Anti-Climax Ending

Haih.

There. I exhale a heavy sigh. I have around two to three days left in UTP. Rather than making the most of my remaining days, it seems that I'd rather sulk about it.

First of all, I hate graduating. It seems that people like me (people who hate graduation) are very rare. All over, people are congratulating me for my upcoming graduation. Well, I still don't get it. I don't see the fun, the anticipation, the anxiety, the excitement of graduation.

And second, it sucks because the ending is so anti-climax. What do I mean by anti-climax ending? It means there's no grand ending to it. It just, ends.

But I guess that's how things are meant to end in UTP. Back in the early years, we all went to class together, having tests and exams together. Then we had our first non-academic gathering which is the barbeque. Even with its simplicity, to me, that was the best activity we had throughout my entire stay in UTP, because everyone came, from all sorts of countries, races, backgrounds. We would have numerous other activities after that, but none would ever match the diversity of this first BBQ.

Then as we progressed to the latter stages, some of us went lagging behind. Some of us have reshuffled their course plan, perhaps carrying forward some of their courses. The class is starting to change its look, although very little.

Then came internship. I knew, I would be separated from my close friends for eight months (though little do I know that I will be making new close friends), and not only that, I will leave the heavenly laid back life of UTP for that duration of time. It was a mini-farewell to me. I remembered how I feel at that time, something like now. But at least there was a slight comforting feeling that I will meet them again next semester.

But things will never be the same after internship. Courses are separated into specializations. I no longer share the same classes with my coursemates (except for some general courses, and even that, not everyone is taking on the same semester). No more tests and exams and labs together with everyone. But hey, it happens.

And people get very busy with two major projects breathing down everyone's necks. There's no time for a grand dinner or a vacation somewhere. I wish I would've used my time more efficiently, so that these things can me made real, but I was too lazy.

And that's the price I pay for being lazy. I wished to compile a database for my coursemates, but I kept it too late that now everyone has left UTP. There were a lot of things I wished to do, but because I'm always postponing, I was made to regret my own procrastination.

I'm still in deep sorrow of leaving this place, the people, and this life. People congratulate my for completing my studies, but the truth is I think I've accomplished next to nothing. I miss this place, probably more than anyone else. I hate leaving this life, and maybe it's kind of gay to whine like this in my blog, but it's the truth.

Everyday, when I go to my car to grab some meal outside, I see less and less cars. I encounter less and less friends. And they'll probably say, "See you," when we have our farewell handshake, but the reality is when we do meet again, it would probably not be the same anymore. Changes happen, but I hate to undergo them.

Thankfully, this life is mortal. One day I will die, and so do you. But I never seem to accept it.